the petals will scatter as flowers of vanity [entries|friends|calendar] zomgkamikaze robot love [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[Monday July 23rd, 2007 2:31pm]      I look back with horror. AND FOWARD WITH HOPE  Tell me please, Who the fuck did you want me to be? Was it something that I couldn't see? Never knew this would be so political. And please, I'm still wearing this miserable skin And it's starting to tear from within But it's obvious that doesn't matter to you, So please I've swallowed all your answers I've swallowed all my pride You've used up all your chances and now the tables have turned i want nothing to do with you. beep beep

your running out of reasons to stay. [Monday June 18th, 2007 2:16am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | his infernal majesty-rebel yell cover ] well its been a while since ive actually used a livejournal. life has been a rollercoaster right now im expeirencing a huge down but its okay i know i can somehow overcome it .   my summer somehow  started off  with grandma AND my mother in the hospital  so i was left with the burden of taking care my family ,my house ,the bills and  my animals etc. it was horrid. i was under a huge state of depression and i was having  a constant fight with my father that seemed it would never end but finally.....everything got better and they came home. and my father like always packed his shit and left but hey this time he told me he was leaving. then.... as we all know i have horrible relationships and horrible ways of ending them. i had just with finally patched things up with jamel (as friends)  AFTER SOOOOO LONG !!!!!!!!!!!!!! and out of nowhere  he says its not working out the way he wants it to. (i know what a douche right?) because he still has feelings so i back off because the last thing i wanna do is try and get into another relationship with jay.... god shoot me now,  hes a great friend but a sucky ass boyfriend. i dont ever want to go down that path again, when we did go out  he said i was lacking on the emotion and affection department. im just not into being jealous or clingy and i guess im not open enough for significant others. (even though the dumbfuck cheated on me on my birthday) its all good. were still pretty tight he still makes me laugh and he is funny as hell.  (i think hes going to end up going gay eventually) i dont know whats wrong with me im back home im safe  im going to see my friends and make new ones (hopefully) slowly but surely im getting over the richard thing i dont think i'll ever forget it ...that was the past. and im learning to forgive....i prayed today i never really do that but i have a feeling someone is going to kill him and it scares me. also  theirs something else.....and to be honest i dont know what it is but  i feel like i cant breathe apart of me is missing. ON A GOOD NOTE!!!! ive gotten closer to a cool couple :paulina and mike  he reminds me of me way too much which is creepy lmao their real cool and they've been taking care of me lol (well thats atleast how i feel.) me and paulina have alot in common they basically live at my house now and im happy =] oh and i got my report card....im a senior ^____^ hahahaha i thought i was  soooo gonna fail!!!!  boooyah!  <----wtf  never again will you see that i promise 0_0 i know this is a good sign!!!!!!! this year will mean something! hopefully it wont suck ass lmao you never know ? then again knowing me my antisocialness will kick in and i'll say screw it,.... i just wish someone would just randomly out of nowhere walk up to me and embrace me. THAT would mean the world to me right now. i just wish i could have that.  i just need that so bad..... i need to feel protected ..... well i guess im out nite beep beep

10 weird, random things, facts or habits about yourself. [Monday March 26th, 2007 11:41pm] [ music | MM-slutgarden ]     1. people I have cuddled with had the odd habbit of trying to smother me saying this....  i have no problem breathing with a pillow over my head if i wanted that. 2. I am a total hygene freek, shower at least twice a day, brush my teeth 3 times a day and wash my face out side of the shower at least twice. And dont let me catch you walking out of the bathroom without washing your hands because i will fucking chase you with antibacterial soap 3. I am absolutley addicted to Chai tea green tea and coffee and if you ever offend me there is no better way to get on my good side. and omg do i love zombies and domo 4. apparently i sleep in positions as if i were doing yoga? 5. ( i admit ) dita von teese and bettie page are secretly my  idols i would go gay for them 6. I get realy pissed when people go on about the innocence of children because i think kids are some of the most sadistic bastards on the face of the earth and if you dont believe me just think back to kindergarten. 7. i have thirteen piercings and i have had 4 body modifications done 8. im am utterly terrified of rabbits put one by my face and i will fucking scream and have a panic attack. 9. my friend let me name his kitten "boo boo kitty fuck" :D 10. hmmmmm i actually  believe in soulmates and think  my  dream guy is out there.   beep beep

let me play you a lullaby? [Saturday February 10th, 2007 12:36am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | dir en grey ]  as you can see this will be my personal journal, i figured since i dont  really open up to anyone i might want a journal i can put my emotions in. i have another journal its my public journal.  www.livejournal.com/users/digital__wings i  rarely use it  anymore but i dont have the heart to delete it. i have good memories in their. hopefully this journal will be much better  with love jessicunt beep beep

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